32 Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
    whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the Lord imputes no iniquity,
    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up[a] as by the heat of summer.Selah

I acknowledged my sin to thee,
    and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my trangressions to the Lord”;
    then thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.Selah

Therefore let every one who is godly
    offer prayer to thee;
at a time of distress,[b] in the rush of great waters,
    they shall not reach him.
Thou art a hiding place for me,
    thou preservest me from trouble;
    thou dost encompass me with deliverance.[c]Selah

I will instruct you and teach you
    the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
    which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
    else it will not keep with you.

10 Many are the pangs of the wicked;
    but steadfast love surrounds him who trusts in the Lord.
11 Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
    and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Psalm 32 RSV

We are a people of familiarity. We like comfort and predictability. Plenty of studies have been done to see how many repetitions make a habit. How many listens do we have to give a new song before we like it. And what’s the best way to learn a new skill. Once we learn how to do something or what we like, it is hard for us to change. It’s hard for us to rewire our brains to suddenly enjoy running, eating our greens, and getting plenty of sleep. Or simply doing a simple task in a new way. 

The same is true for our spiritual lives. It is easier to keep looking for love in the places others will tell us we’ll find it. We can search and look for love and comfort in people, traveling, food, and games. And while it may fill us for a time, it will eventually leave us feeling empty. 

I spun my wheels for years, trying to fill up with good things. I volunteered at my kid’s school. I worked tirelessly for my church’s mom group. I cared for my children, home, and family life. I got up early, stayed up late, and worked, worked, worked. I thought I was a good Christian woman doing all the right things. I felt alone, empty, and lost. I needed to slow down, draw near to God, and hear what they were whispering to me. I needed to lean into the spiritual thinness and see where God would direct me. I had to stop trying to earn my worth. I had to stop trying to undo my wrongs and make them right. I had to stop hiding in my shame. I needed to trust God’s love for me over what others told me I should do. It isn’t easy to let yourself rest in the hands of God. To trust that they will love you when you stop trying to earn your worthiness. Why would anyone love someone who can’t make their wrongs right? We are a society built on doing, and God’s love is built on us letting go. We can’t earn happiness and love by filling our lives with the things of the world. 

I pray you may quiet your spirit this week and listen to the love of God and where they are leading you next.