Aug 31st, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 3 min read

I have a new perspective this morning. I’m sitting on my new green couch in my sunroom looking out at my vegetable garden. I find myself pondering vegetables and fruit. Normally, I look out at my lamppost, pondering light and dark. . I wish changing perspective was as easy as changing a room when it comes to deep-rooted beliefs and assumptions. . In 2017 I…


Aug 29th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 2 min read

We are getting close to a year. I can feel it. I know it’s coming, not from the season change, the start of a school year, but from the ache in my heart. . The tension grows in my shoulders. . Each morning that you sleep late, I grow anxious. Do I go check, and wake you, or do I trust, and wait? . Damn…

the answer is in the asking

Aug 27th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

It would be easy to say all those previous years of my life were the ones asking the questions and now I’m in the answering phase. I don’t think that’s true. Wouldn’t that be nice, though? . I’m scared the real questions are starting now. . It’s an intermingling of questions and answers. Days that ask, years that answer, months that question. Ebb and flow….


Aug 26th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

verb (1)in•vest | \in-vest\invested; investing; investsCollegiate Definition (Entry 1 of 2)1 :to commit (money) in order to earn a financial return2 :to make use of for future benefits or advantages// invested her time wisely3 :to involve or engage especially emotionally // were deeply invested in their children’s lives . What have I invested in all these years? Have I wasted my time? . A walk,…


Aug 25th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

It feels harder to write these past few weeks. There isn’t a lack of content swirling in my mind. It’s harder for me to tap into what’s there. I don’t want to misrepresent what I feel. My art teacher recenetly sent these prompts to us… . How am I? When am I? Where am I? What am I? Who am I? Why am I? ….


Aug 23rd, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 7 min read

I tried to create yesterday. It didn’t work. I sat with my iPad for a long while in the morning but no words flowed. Later that day, after I had eaten, and avoided, I sat down to create. I looked at my papers, paint supplies, flipped through a magazine, looking for an image to create around. . It didn’t work. . I took my journal…


Aug 20th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 5 min read

There are two sides to every coin. Two sides to every tale. A blind man holding the trunk of an elephant may describe the trunk beautifully but miss the entire animal. He’s still not wrong in what he tells you. . I often wonder what your side is. I don’t think it is a nice story. I can’t imagine it is. I messed a lot…


Aug 14th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 7 min read

Three years ago, I started getting serious about losing weight. If I remember right, in the spring of 2018, I decided to give running a try. It took me months of pushing myself and not giving up to get to the point where I found a small amount of joy in it. I mostly ran by myself, occassionally my bestie would be able to join…


Aug 13th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 9 min read

I went on my first float trip a few weeks ago. Growing up in MO it’s shocking I’ve not been on a float trip until now. When people say float trip, I automatically think of inner tubes and beer, and that didn’t sound awfully appealing. When the idea of camping, floating, fishing, going in a canoe, spending the day on the river came up, that…

being made new

Aug 10th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 5 min read

Quarantine. Can we talk about the weirdness that quarantine has created? . The slow unraveling of my life began a few years ago. It really started coming undone in 2018 when my ex lost his job at the church we attended. It tossed us out of our community and what we had built our life around for the previous five years. What losing that job…