Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love –Isaac – and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”
When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged thewood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
“Do not lay a hand on the boy,”
Gavyn had an appointment with his neurologist before Thanksgiving. I had a list of concerns and questions for her. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. As I explained one of the issues he was having, her brow furrowed, and she began asking more questions. She finished by telling me I needed to set up an appointment with our pediatrician to have a urine sample done to make sure he was not spilling sugars. If you are unfamiliar with this terminology the long and the short of it is, she was concerned he had developed Type 1 Diabetes. This was not the first time my brain went to this idea and concern for him. It was, however, the first time anyone shared my sentiment. We saw her the week of Thanksgiving break, we had appointments or family engagements every day the rest of the week. I decided to wait and call the following Monday. Honestly, it might have been slight denial on my part. I called our ped on Monday and made an appointment for the following day.
When we walked into the office the nurse met us and informed us, she would do a finger prick followed by the urine sample. I had not properly prepared him for this. The finger prick turned into a wrestling match of me and the nurse against Gavyn and his Hulk-like strength. While it could feel surprising for a med-kid who’s been through hell and back, I’ve started to notice the older he gets the more resistant he is. I think he’s hitting his limit of having his space invaded. I would too. After we got the blood draw it was time for peeing in a cup. He was not having it. Not at all. I squatted on the bathroom floor, holding a cup over him, pleading with him to try, him refusing, and in that moment, I pleaded with God.
Jesus, I am so sorry, but I need you here, in this moment, in this bathroom, on the floor with me. I need you to show up and help him pee.
I no sooner finished my train of thought when he started peeing in the cup.
Our ped burst in the door a few minutes later, a huge smile on his face, no diabetes for us. I honestly think if he would have had to tell me Gav was diabetic, he would have lost his shit. That man knows how much I handle and for me, I think he would have broken.
When we got home, I ran to my neighbors to pick up Gideon and told her the good news. I looked at her and said, “Juliana, I had really psyched myself up that I could handle diabetes, and everything would be fine. I told myself it would be ok, it would be our new normal. But… I don’t know how I would have done it.”
And she looked at me and said, “God keeps having you put things on the altar and you keep doing it, but every time he takes them back off for you.”
I came home and cried a lot. I told Ryan that night and he cried, too. There is no better picture for how this year has felt than that. We’ve laid some important things on God’s altar this year. Some of them he has taken away. He’s removed things from our lives. And yet, he’s replaced them with things that have filled us, grown us, changed us. I see his handprint over it all. The bad things he has made right. The hard things he’s changed or brought for a purpose. Faith is never easy. It isn’t supposed to be easy. We just aren’t supposed to make it complicated, we are to keep our end of it easy, as a child keeps things simple.