A.R. Stanley

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A Year on The Porch

My blog about life, grief, finding my way, and everything in-between, A Year on The Porch. Follow the blog here or snippets and posts on Instagram @ayearontheporch

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“I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again so that there is only one logical conclusion. I need darkness as much as I need light.”

I’m back at hope*writers and Katie made me this amazing binder for all.the.things. I love this community. I love writing. I never want to stop.

“Recently I’ve been thinking about myself and how it is I move through and process the world. Before, I thought I moved fast, acted fast, and made up my mind quickly. Now I’m questioning if that was real or what I felt pressured to do and didn’t have the maturity to say, ‘Slow down, I need to put a brake on this.’ I process slowly. I move slowly. I walk slowly. I take time.”

It has been almost three years since my life went upside down. I haven’t gotten all of my footings back since that September. Things had begun to unravel the year before. Relationships had shifted, church, a foundation in my life, had drastically changed, then the health of my kiddo took a scary turn. I felt alone. I am just now starting to unearth and try to understand this deep fear. This feeling of aloneness. A sense of outsiderness.

It wasn’t easy, and it was easy all at once. I’m finding my world full of gray more and more. What made it easy, knowing how badly I needed to reset and refocus. If we couldn’t lean into refocusing, we weren’t going to make it back home any better than how we left.

blog

coming in
walking back to me
becoming a student
living the drama
pictures, characters, names