I’ve started to give thought to posture this year. It feels like a challenge to overcome. What stance does one take in order to Flourish? What a big, grand, audacious word to pick for ones year. I’ve thought about posture in the context of my word for the year, in the context of this blog, where do I see it going, and what is it I’m doing? In the context of writing books, in creating an online and in-person shop. In the context of who am I, really?
Seconding guessing each and every move I make.
That is the pattern I see the most in myself. This worry about getting things right, not becoming corrupt, getting the details inline. Make a move, worry it’s wrong, take a step back, feel worse, go forward, what if it’s wrong? The endless battle of my mind. It is no way to flourish. It is no way to live. It is certainly no way to move forward.
I’ve wanted to write beautiful words my entire life. I’ve wanted to share my thoughts with you, about my life, about God, about what rumbles in my mind. I find myself holding back more and more as of late. I’ve taken the posture of self-protection. I fear what others think of me to the point of silencing myself. The thoughts that swirl in my mind can’t find their way out.
I think the Holy Spirit is slowly working on me. They have a way of speaking quietly to me and reassuring me. There are two messages I continually stumble upon as of late: the burden is light, and the rest is found with Them.
It may sound simple. I think it’s in the simplicity that I find the struggle. It grates against what my life has felt like, what I’ve allowed myself to believe, what I thought I should believe, for years upon years. I think God has tried to chase me down with this one for a while now. I thought I was listening before, and I think I missed it. I’m trying to listen now. I’m trying to change my posture.
I want to flourish this year, and one can’t flourish when they carry all the baggage alone. They can’t flourish when they spend more time back-tracking than moving forward. I see now I need to find my confidence in my choices.
I need to stay quiet, hone my ear to the whisper, and look for Them in unexpected ways.