We’ve been having deep, hard, big conversations a lot in the last month. Not just the dreaming kind. Not just the theological ones or eschatological ones. Although, there have been a lot of those, oddly enough. We’ve been having a lot of big planning type ones.

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Learning how to create space. Learning how to make what space we have larger. I feel as if my home is taking on powers of a TARDIS. We’ve maximized pockets of space to make room for everyone and everything. Almost.

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Time.

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Realities.

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Dreams.

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Space.

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Still, it feels as if we always need just a little more space. I need just a little bit more to do what it is I feel called in my soul to do. I need the courage. Courage to raise my arms and push the unneeded away. Not in a hostile, violent, selfish way. In a gentle, making space, following that whisper, kind of way.

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When the noise crowds in, when the busy takes over when my to-do list is long, I miss it. I ignore it. I can let the fear of “too much” take over, “impossible” to fill my mind, “foolish” to run the course. When I sit quietly, watching nature, handwashing the dishes, water the plants, that whisper, always that whisper, takes over my mind. It tells me there is space, there is time, there is an idea, not one birthed by me. It’s an idea long ago planted, confirmed time, and again, growing, and molding in my mind.

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It’s time to let it out.

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It’s time to let it create itself.

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It’s time to dive in.

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I can feel brave and ready in this early morning moment. But the day will crowd in and try to squash it. It’s mine to fight against. The best things are never the easy things. The faith things are never the logical choices. Yet, the doors open, the confirmations come, when you follow in faith he makes a way. If I could see all the ways now it wouldn’t be a faith thing, right?

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I’m giving myself permission to take on what I’ve always felt called to and never felt worthy enough to do.