my boys

Mental health and seizures can sneak up at any moment. I know this. I live with this. I live with my own precarious mental health that can slink up behind me and rob me of a day or more. Those bouts have become fewer and farther between, but they are there, and they are very … Continue reading my boys

edit

I’ve never been a fan of how my hands look. I got the Miesner hands not the Schwartz's hands. The ones that were made for farm work, kitchen work, heavy lifting, not the slender, graceful ones. I once tried to draw a hand and of course, I used myself as a model, I was happy … Continue reading edit

waking

I talked with my therapist about my anger. How it’s growing and not shrinking. I want it to shrink. It’s bigger than I can hold. . I want to wake up and not remember this. . That’s false. It isn’t that I don’t want to remember, I want to move on, I don’t want it … Continue reading waking

mastery

I hear the word ‘master’, and I think high education, smarter than me, money. The world is crowded with people and for anyone to stand out and compete it feels as if they have to get a master's degree or higher now. I hear it and I feel small, the bad kind, not the good … Continue reading mastery

choice

I had a long talk and a long walk with a friend last night. It was good for my body and mostly my soul. I’m finding myself craving more people I can speak freely to. People I can see in my presence and not over a screen. People who we don’t run into the restraints … Continue reading choice

conversations

We’ve been having deep, hard, big conversations a lot in the last month. Not just the dreaming kind. Not just the theological ones or eschatological ones. Although, there have been a lot of those, oddly enough. We’ve been having a lot of big planning type ones. . Learning how to create space. Learning how to … Continue reading conversations

rhythm

It shifted. We knew it would, we knew it was coming, I knew August would be hard. Then it came in with more moving parts, shifting, and changing, and being a jerk. . I have a hard time with transitions. I can pump myself up in the beginning. Rah-rah-rah-it. All that. Once I hit a … Continue reading rhythm