Mental health and seizures can sneak up at any moment. I know this. I live with this. I live with my own precarious mental health that can slink up behind me and rob me of a day or more. Those bouts have become fewer and farther between, but they are there, and they are very … Continue reading my boys

I’ve never been a fan of how my hands look. I got the Miesner hands not the Schwartz's hands. The ones that were made for farm work, kitchen work, heavy lifting, not the slender, graceful ones. I once tried to draw a hand and of course, I used myself as a model, I was happy … Continue reading edit

Writing can be frightening for me. It helps me process the world. It helps me see and understand what’s happening around me, sometimes at an alarming rate. It can reveal things to me I hadn’t seen or understood before. . Sometimes, I don’t want to process. . Sometimes, I don’t want to see what’s lurking … Continue reading the practice

I talked with my therapist about my anger. How it’s growing and not shrinking. I want it to shrink. It’s bigger than I can hold. . I want to wake up and not remember this. . That’s false. It isn’t that I don’t want to remember, I want to move on, I don’t want it … Continue reading waking

I hear the word ‘master’, and I think high education, smarter than me, money. The world is crowded with people and for anyone to stand out and compete it feels as if they have to get a master's degree or higher now. I hear it and I feel small, the bad kind, not the good … Continue reading mastery

I had a long talk and a long walk with a friend last night. It was good for my body and mostly my soul. I’m finding myself craving more people I can speak freely to. People I can see in my presence and not over a screen. People who we don’t run into the restraints … Continue reading choice

We’ve been having deep, hard, big conversations a lot in the last month. Not just the dreaming kind. Not just the theological ones or eschatological ones. Although, there have been a lot of those, oddly enough. We’ve been having a lot of big planning type ones. . Learning how to create space. Learning how to … Continue reading conversations

My bestie and I really got into gardening this year. Last year, my dad and I built a huge garden area with three raised beds in my backyard. We did our planning and building in the fall and late winter. I wanted the garden space complete come spring, so I would be ready to plant, … Continue reading cultivate

I started this blog almost exactly two years ago. My first post came on August 31, 2018. In it, I announced the blog and the would-be book to come of it. I thought the book would be about something different back then. . I’ve sat on different porches over the last two years. Front porches, … Continue reading two years ago

It shifted. We knew it would, we knew it was coming, I knew August would be hard. Then it came in with more moving parts, shifting, and changing, and being a jerk. . I have a hard time with transitions. I can pump myself up in the beginning. Rah-rah-rah-it. All that. Once I hit a … Continue reading rhythm