“We live in abundance here.” Those are words my art teacher uttered to the class last spring. I’ve been chasing them down ever since.

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Scarcity. I lived in a world of scarcity for a long time. Scarcity of money and time. Scarcity of resources. Scarcity of dreams and love.

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I thought I knew what dreams were. They were thoughts you had that you knew would never come true no matter how badly you wanted them. I thought I knew what love was. Then it turned on its head and broke my heart.

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Abundance.

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I wanted it. I needed it. I craved it. I thought I could create it in my old life. Turned out I couldn’t.

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Dreaming scares me in a different way now. Before I could dream it and I was scared because I’d have to let it die. Now I’m scared to dream because someone might help it come true. I’ve wanted to take my boys on adventures and go camping for years and now we do it all the time. It’s thrilling and scary all in one. It was my dream, now it’s reality, what if everyone hates it? What if it isn’t what we thought it would be? And what if that too is OK?

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Dreams. Scary things.

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I’ve had a vision of what my life could be for a long time. It felt unattainable. I told myself I couldn’t do the things I wanted. I convinced myself I didn’t have the right temperament, enough brains, or the right resources. Those were the reasons we couldn’t do the things I dreamed of. What if I was wrong all along? What if I missed out on a beautiful life? What happens if I step into that life now?