musings

Jul 31st, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

This morning my mind swirls with thoughts and ideas. Mostly about my “in real life” life but some in the fantasy world my mind always lives in. The one populated by people I know as well as I know myself. There are girls who sit and create, Dandelion and Quinn and Penny. Girls who rage and fight the world, Alfie and Margo. Boys who want…

push & pull

Jul 28th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 3 min read

“I can’t say a true thingIt’s hard to be that honestI know you’re not askingBut I told you that I promised There’s always two thoughtsOne after the other:I’m aloneNo you’re notI’m alone no you’re not I know I’m pretendingWhen I try to have an answerIt’s not what I intendedAnd I don’t know what comes after There’s always two thoughtsOne after the other:I’m aloneNo you’re not”…

bloom

Jul 27th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

I’m feeling a little sappy. . To be honest, friendship has always been hard for me. Do you remember being a kid and asking your friends who their best friend was? Especially asking your best friend who theirs was in order to hear them say your name? I still remember the last time I asked my friend who theirs was, expecting to hear my name,…

cave

Jul 26th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

Some days I wake up with a blog in my mind. There have been nights I go to sleep with one rolling around, half written, waiting to emerge the next morning. Other days you wake up, sit down, and stare at the screen with no words coming. . Today feels more like that. . The desire and need to sit with my thoughts and words…

small felicities

Jul 23rd, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 5 min read

“You’ll never be happy.” . “Was I a happy child?”“Not particularly.” . Happiness. . I have a weird relationship with ‘happy’. . I’ve started having more conversations with people about this concept, this word, this elusive feeling we call happiness. For a long time, I kept my ideas, thoughts, musings, on the inside, scared to share them with others. I might not have been scared,…

permission

Jul 21st, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 5 min read

I pick a word for my year. It’s like a New Years’ resolution, but different. Instead of making a list of things I’ll do and things I’ll stop, I have a word that pushes against everything throughout the year. . Brave. . Present. . Process. . Permission . In early October of 2019 ideas for my word for 2020 started swirling around in my mind….

open or closed

Jul 17th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 2 min read

“We live in abundance here.” Those are words my art teacher uttered to the class last spring. I’ve been chasing them down ever since. . Scarcity. I lived in a world of scarcity for a long time. Scarcity of money and time. Scarcity of resources. Scarcity of dreams and love. . I thought I knew what dreams were. They were thoughts you had that you…

broken and whole

Jul 16th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 2 min read

There is this magical place in Florida that my family has vacationed at in the past. It’s the kind of place where your troubles melt away and everything in the world seems to set right. . One summer, I was sort of obsessed with finding only broken shells. Not that finding broken seashells is difficult. They had to still be beautiful enough to catch my…

change

Jul 15th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 4 min read

Quarantine is an intriguing time. For me, I think a lot of positives have come from living in a tiny bubble. In some ways, I have wondered if it has been a greater protection for me during this season in my life. . Something I think on often is church during this time. My faith is strong. My desire for church… not as much. I’ve…

oh, to be a one

Jul 14th, 2020 A Year on The Porch arstanley 6 min read

Have you heard of the Enneagram? If you haven’t, I’ll warn you it might ruin your life. If you have, then you know how freeing it is. . . I’m a One with a Nine wing. I’m pretty sure I was raised by a Nine wing One and a Six wing Five. My exhusband was a Four. I think I’ve pegged my kids as a…