New Year

Blogging has intrigued me for years and slipped through my grasp again and again.

I often wonder if I make it more complicated than it needs to be.

I tried creating and using a Bullet Journal last year, and I can honestly say, I loved it. Not only did I enjoy the process of creating it, I liked using it. I liked coloring in the blocks, tracking progress, watching my mood trends. As the year went on, I slowly started to crap out using it. I got busy and I forgot about it. In December, I promised myself to start using the BuJo again and to create a new one for the coming year. I went back over my social media and filled in the blocks. It wasn’t surprising to see the lack of blog posts but it was disheartening. The one area that plagued the back of my mind, I had failed it again. “Come on,” I told myself, “you write novels, write a flipping blog post now and again.” But I couldn’t seem to do it.

Don’t fantasize about the process, just do it.

Some days I spend too much time wondering how things feel, what they should look like, and how I want them to sound. Instead of accomplishing anything outside of myself I create entire worlds and feelings inside my head waiting to escape. I over fantasize and under produce.

Notice how my vision page for the year has ‘Blog’ written on it, but it has the least prominent space on the page? Almost an afterthought. Even though later in the BuJo are entire pages, charts, thoughts, dedicated to blogging. It terrifies me. I never want to misrepresent myself, say the wrong thing, use the wrong image, I over complicate it. Again and again, year after year, idea after idea, I over think the process and come away with nothing. Today as I sat in a coffee house, halfway through the 5th Chapter of my third novel, I decided to stop and write the flipping blog. Like ripping a bandage off, I decided fast and furious was better than slow and methodical. Just do it. I needed to get over the fear and produce it. What happened? This silly post about my fear of blogging and how it consistently alludes me. Perhaps this year it will do the same. I may start out with great intentions, full of gusto and bravery, only to let it fall by the wayside once again. I suppose in the long run I need to take my word for the year, Process and apply it to this situation. Blogging is a process, and for me, it seems to be a long one. Perhaps I can learn to embrace that process and move forward.

What is the goal you made for yourself this year that is scaring the shit out of you?

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